notinyrleague

"anna why are you dating one of my paypigs? you deserve so much better than that"-cheri

removing people whose blogs i don't enjoy and wouldn't read even in a trainwreck guilty pleasure way.

go cry about it, lj addicts.

here are the non-negotiables (ie, people that get to stay cause i dig their style, even if i don't read their blogs that often)

princessceara 

princessangelx 

nikkirules 

mzasiangoddess 

fiascomonkey 

bowdownforkay 

fullofself_ 

some will be cut due to lack of activity, others just write boring blogs, can't be bothered reading em ever. vanilla blogs i can just subscribe to via rss. others will be sorted into groups.

my wishlist isn't going anywhere though ;) fans of the blog/secret admirers/friends can still refer to it. i'm easy to find ha.

http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/J81GV2RES51M

ps-ryan, send me an email. not to the yahoo address, the other one. i am not a fan of yahoo at all.

...actually, my mind is crystal clear. it's a shame about the rest of you though.

the blog is not getting deleted, just completely re-vamped. i am going to delete most of the twitter posts and just try to blog here as a writing exercise. neverthless,i still dislike blogging and don't have much time for it anyway.

i will probably make the more "controversial" posts friends-only. no, not everyone with a female username gets added as a friend. i typically add people whose writing i enjoy, but some girls get added just cause they seem like sweethearts. <3

here are some small things i may enjoy receiving. (starting to dislike the word "tribute" oddly enough)

on LJ:

-virtual gifts. the tiger is adorable. they are my favorite animal and 2010 is the year of the tiger so yeah.  go fetch.
-a rename token. i am reeeeeeally sick of this username. i have a few other options in mind. no, not telling you what they are. it is not a poll-type situation. i have a few names in mind. they are not typical domina bitchface usernames. this is gooooood.

otherwise:

kiva gift certificates
ticketmaster gift certificates.
etc.

the rubyspark@hellokitty.com address is getting deleted soon by the way. too much spam ugh.

stop worrying about problems that don't exist!
that's all!

:)

-ps if you think i'm just cool and worth knowing, follow my actual twitter account!@_flowcoma what you do in bed is none of my business!

so uh hey everyone, i realized something recently. it may be apparent already from some of my tweets, but if you just dismiss twitter as a shallow marketing tool, allow me to clarify it for you some more.

it's pretty simplistic but i don't think anyone else besides cheri has attempted to blog about it within a d/s context! (yes, this post is about her but mainly about the unity she wanted to create) and i don't think anyone took her very seriously, so she kinda shut up about it and tried to cater to a "snobby bitch" stereotype even though she is so positive and bubbly in her vanilla blog. i've done it at times too, so i'm in no place to judge her. reaching out to fellow women, not receiving an instantly positive response, then feeling a little vulnerable and defensive if they don't want to get to know me for whatever reason. maybe their reasons for not wanting to do so are valid. maybe they're as guarded as i am when i'm not making these slightly embarrassing attempts at opening up online instead of using an "invincible domme" shield of jokes, demands and a narrow range of subject matter. like that wasn't meant as a stab at anyone other than the concept of a typical findomme. it's not the greatest thing to cater to, but at the same time it's something we all flirt and play with a little sometimes. this can occur in really blatant or subtle ways. it is what is. it's not going anywhere. we deal with it in different ways. aimless ranting is not the

uh this is hard for me, but i'm strong enough to keep blogging about it. vanilla blogging (of sorts...don't ask me where my "real journal" is) has kinda been a surprisingly good outlet. it's great to have a supportive semi-anon

cheri if you are reading this for some odd reason, you may have mixed feelings about the bdsm scene and may enjoy studying it on a psychological level most of all, and not find it super hot. that doesn't make you an "insta", it makes you a woman with a dominant personality who is not sexually dominant. that is OKAY. that is what is most common biologically. you can't really mess with biology, y'know. so what the hell is the point of getting worked up if somebody calls you some make-believe word that doesn't actually exist outside of findom ANYWAY. that's a little trippy and also it's truly sexy for me to think about the power of words. and to use it in creative ways. that's my favorite sort of power trip and i've been on it pretty much non-stop lately. i hope it doesn't, but i don't want to put myself on a pedestal of "moral superiority". my morals can be just as shaky and contradictory as anyone else's, i just try to have control over the urges that make me feel guilty afterwards. i'm not saying i'm incapable of making mistakes. i don't have a "mistress is never wrong" mentality outside a session. really. and i wouldn't recommend it. but you don't have to take my word for it if you don't want to.

your personality good enough for some men to want to spoil you, just because you seem like a decent person outside your fetish interests. you ARE a decent person and we're more alike than it may seem at first, as women in general, and because of our specific little quirks as well. and i know this from having spoken to you a fair bit recently via anonymous comments on your normal blog. sorry if that sounded creepy and "stalker-like", i just like how you are TRYING to be the change you wish to see in the world. that is why you attract haters though. they think you're stupid and silly and naive for wanting these things i also want. and i'm sorry if i ever did anything awful to you, it wasn't intentional. i was just trying to have a little fun at your expense at times, when i should have been using boys who've given me their consent to be a source of entertainment. i'm truly sorry cheri. it's so awful when people in general hurt each other for no reason. truly non-consensual abuse is awful in a way the illusion of non-consent could never be. i just wanted you to know that. i'm not expecting you to instantly reciprocate this time, but i have this feeling you will anyway because of how kind you are. so <3 <3 <3

also here is a little note for a certain someone who was a real girl and made a certain infamous findom youtube video. i'm not going to be insincere and tell you it a good video. i have been just as dismissive and mean about it as anyone else. but maybe you weren't trying to cash in on "our" fetish desires. maybe you were genuinely trying to explore your sexuality like anyone else? i don't claim to understand you. but sorry for being one of the people giggling over your lack of true findommely power or something ridiculous and making you give it up before you experienced the highs and lows fully.

and everyone let me try to finish babbling before you all try to bond over making fun of me, please. maybe you get some sick voyeuristic thrill from how things are pretty awful for me in my private life. maybe you have a legitimate reason for disliking me i don't know about. it could be the fact that i am "weird" for writing about this in so much depth. funny, that. why is everyone so scared of or maybe i'm making you genuinely uncomfortable by shattering some illusions about your kinks. sorry for the latter, not so much for the former.

if i had no real friends outside the scene, i'd find that depressing. but i don't truly RELY on you guys for emotional support, which means i'll be okay soon enough. then you're just going to have to find things to do with your time. being hooked on gossip is destructive, i don't recommend it. mindfuck goes both ways sometimes.

love,
anna